“Shards of me too sharp to put back together”
-Breathe No More - Evanescence
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| " This skirt looks similar to what I had." |
Skirts, scooters, shorts. Hmm, I remember those types of clothing, but that was long ago. On second thought that was before I lost “myself” when I was a little girl back in elementary school. Someone of you may not know what the hell I’m talking about! I’m here to tell you. Lets go time traveling. Picture this: A little innocent African American girl wearing glasses chasing her friends on the playground dressed in a peach color strip shirt with 4-inches below the kneecap blue jean shorts. Shocking isn’t? Yes, I used to wear skirts, scooters, and shorts wear my hairy legs would show. Not caring at all what my body look liked. That all changed. Once I enter the cold grounds of middle school, I near what the outside world felt like. Middle school was like burning hell for me because I became the target of bullying.
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| "Orangutan = Me." |
No, I wasn’t being pushed into lockers or nothing along that line. There are different types of ways to bully someone. I was verbally bullied because of my looks and hygiene. Many of the girls from my class teased me because my body was hairy. Even do I tried to ignore them and their nasty comments, it still hurt. These girls were “privileged” that their parents (mostly likely the mother) or guardian allowed them to shave, but I was on the other side. Unlike them, I was raised in a more strict, complex way. No my parents weren’t too strict, but there was certain things couldn’t do that other girls were doing. The reason why I could not shave was because my mother told me I couldn’t until a certain age. She had her reason like “once you shave it off, it will grow back tenfold”. Meaning that it will be worse than before. All and all, I obeyed her command. There were many times I thought of buying those through away shavers or using her electric shaver, but I didn’t. I don’t like getting into trouble. I also a “nickname” Orangutan. It did not phase why I was being call that, but now I understand. Orangutans are very hairy, just like me. I rather be called The Grinch than Orangutan. This is a whole another story.
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| "Plucking" |
Finally, My mom let me start shaving once I got to that certain age which was in high school. Let me tell you I was so pleased because I wanted to start high school with a fresh note. Here’s the kicker, even do I became shaving I still don’t wear skirts, scooters, or shorts. I have to find a way to put the pieces of me back together, but each piece holds a painful memory. No matter how many times people comment me, I ALONE have to believe I’m beautiful. I pray that my sister whose getting closer to middle NEVER have to experienced what I went through. Those girls don’t realize that they shoved into the darkness, but I fight my back up to the light.
At the age of 4-6 : Mortal Kombat! I secretly fell madly in love with the character Liu Kang. I was excited to hear that the game franchise was being made into a movie, and this is how my curiosity began with actor Robin Shou. 
At age of 7-9: Sitting in front of the TV, watching Food Network, waiting patiently for East meets West with Ming Tsai to come. Awe, Ming Tsai. Gawking over him as he teaches the world how to make a delicious Asian meal. Watching the sweat drip down his forehead, his silky streaming voice…Oops my bad back to reality. I don’t exactly remember, but I think this was the age group I began watching Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Even do Tommy Oliver was my first love, my second love was cutie Adam Park. 
Would it be a offensive that I find Bruce Lee to be sexy? From there to now I still find Asian men to be attractive. Feminine or masculine it doesn’t matter to me. You catch me looking at Kpop star idols like Rain, Se7en, 1TYM , Taebin. This was the “second wave” of attractiveness to Asian men. Lets not for the visual kei bands like Dir en Grey before today. 
